English

The most popular British import to India is English language. It is so popular that Indians have now developed a new language called Indian English which pays no heed to the rules of grammar and utmost attention to fake accents and rapidfire speech. In India, you will hear people say things like “I live in Delhi only” instead of “I live right here in Delhi”. In fact, the word ‘prepone’ (as opposed to postpone) is now being considered to be included in dictionaries thanks to Indians.

I have always been to English medium schools. All English medium school have one thing in common- the students make jokes about how their teachers speak English. I know that it is a joke because my sister told them and so did my friends when I went to a different school ten years later.

Let me give you a few examples. Following are some things both my sister and I as well as our friends have claimed that out teachers have said:

“Don’t understand that tree”. (She means: Don’t stand under that tree.)

“Open the windows, let the atmosphere come in”. (She means: Open the windows, let the breeze come in. Interestingly, this was the most popular joke and I have seen students from all school making it about some teacher or the other.)

“Stand in a straight circle”.

“Walk in two single lines”.

“I talk, you talk. Why do you middle talk?” (I think this means something like, “Either I am going to talk or you. So why are you interrupting?”)

“The Principal has just passed away”. (And no, this wasn’t said right after the Principal died).

“I have two daughters/ sons. Both of them are girls/boys”.

But not everything is a joke. Once, a teacher asked me to go to the school stationary store and get “two blue gel pens, one black and one red”. She really did say that. I swear. Ask anybody from my school who had been in Class VI-B in the year 2005.

I only wonder when this English fever will come to an end.