Growing Up- 3

Probably the biggest part of growing up is deciding what you want to do with your life. What will be your hobbies? What about your interest? And most importantly, what will be your career?

In Eclipse, the third disaster of the Twilight movie series, there is a grand total of one funny scene in which Bella's friend, Jessica, delivers her speech as a valedictorian. She says throughout their lives, they have been questioned about what they want to be and her answer has gone from 'princess' at age five to 'astronaut' at age ten. But now as they were ready to graduate, the same question is being asked all over again and this time, a serious answer is expected. And the answer she gives is- "Well, who the hell knows?"

I didn't like the movie, but I loved the scene enough to want to turn the whole series around to make Jessica the proatogonist in place of Bella. This particular scene was not there in the books, but it is the only memorable one for me because it captures the dilemma of not being sure of one's goal in life and it being okay because everyone is going through the same thing.

The first thing I wanted to be was a dancer. A lady in my neighborhood who had done her PhD in classical dance had conducted a workshop for children below the age of eight and I was part of it. She was convinced I had the grace and skill to become a professional dancer and I believed her. Not once did it cross my mind that maybe she was just trying to make me and my parents happy. I danced around the house, in neighborhood programs, in events and festivals. And just as suddenly as it had come, the dancing fever wore away.

Then came the fashion designer phase. My father's company was working on a textile project and I drew some designs for the catalogue. But the fact was that fashion wasn't my passion. It was just that I had the talent for painting and drawing and that made drawing designs easy. But God-given talent doesn't always equate itself to interest.

Most people thought I could be an artist and I think my parents really wanted me to be one. But drawing didn't stay with me. I could only work when inspired and not at other times. Looking back, I sometimes feel that prettiness is not my forte. I feel confined by it. I still continue with art, but more as a hobby than as a passion.

Then, I started writing and if you're reading this blog, you know what I'm talking about.

I was the only kid who was considering writing as a career. Nobody else seemed to get it. None of my friends could really appreciate it. At some points, I thought a lot of people in school thought they could do the same thing as me. Not to brag, but more amatuer novels came out of my class than anybody else's and incidentally, they were all written by my friends. It was irritating back then, but it's flattering now. SOme people believed having a good command over English is all you need to become a good writer. Command over language is important, but not all-important. I was expected to know the menaings of all the complicated words and the jealous kids got to make fun of me when I didn't know one meaning. The truth is, if you can write, you can write in any language. It's something which comes from your heart and brain and it doesn't matter what language it comes in.Also, people always expect me to want to become a jornalist, but I always say no. That's not the kind of writing I want to do.

So now that I had figured out what I loved doing, what happened next? Well, I grew up.

At some point, I realised writing couldn't be a full-time profession and I had to think of something else. So, I took up Science in school and am now trying to get into engineering because that's the safest, most common career ooption in India. I also have kept the option of doing something in psychology open because human behavior interests me. And I know how bad all this sounds. I know I sound like someone who killed her dreams, but that's not it. Life isn't just about dreams. There's a lot of other things to be worried about. Your parents will always want to see you doing something stable and secure. You yourself might end up in a very bad place if your dreams go unfulfilled, the chances of which are high. In areas such as art and entertainment, there is so much of competition that most careers get over before they even start, so why would you want to find yourself in that position?

I've realized you shouldn't be so quick to judge people. Don't say somebody didn't have the courage to follow their dreams without knowing their full story. For example, I know an engineer who is trying really hard to be an actor and scored himself a role on a TV show. He worked nine to five Monday through Friday and then travels to the opposite end of the city to attend castings. The bass guitarist and vocalist of Indian Ocean is a graduate from one of the world's most reputed universities (B.Tech from IIT, Kanpur and PhD in Environmental Engineering Cornell!!), which means he got himself a degree before he became a part of what is arguably the hottest band in India. Am I happy doing what everyone else is doing? The honest answer is no. But since I am fighting for a future in a country with a population of 1.2 billion people, I just decided to be practical. I still write a lot and aspire to be a writer, but I am also keeping in mind that having a stable career is important. Hopefully, I will be able to strike a good balance between dreams and reality.