To Be Or Not To Be Popular
What does a teenager have to do to be popular?
In my school, I see many cliques, but if I had to make a broad division, I would be left with just too- the 'cool kids' and the 'losers'. Now, don't make any presumptions. I probably belong to the latter. I am somewhat an academic overachiever (for somebody who came in the bottom two-thirds of the class three years ago, scoring a 95.8% in boards and being neck to neck with those who have been toppers for years is a big deal), I have taken part in almost every extra-curricular activity possible (with some marvelous and some disastrous results), was a school prefect for one year and get published in newspapers. But I am still a loser. Why is that?
There are certain girls who deserve to be popular. They're not my friends; I don't like them particularly, but I have to admit that they are talented and make almost no social mistakes. They keep their cool even with people they don't like, and also come across as vulnerable whenever required (you have no idea how far big brown eyes and a few tears can go). If they're popular, I totally understand.
Then they're another set of girls who're known for all the wrong things. They don't mind standing like trophies behind a group of guys and giggling whenever a popular guy walk by. They really need to work harder on their scores and probably grow a brain. But no matter their lack of credentials, they don't mind dissing the girls who 'don't get much attention'.
Then comes the third group, that's us. All the girls keep to themselves and are never intentionally mean. No matter what they do, they never look down on others' For them, nobody is beneath them. I admit (shamefacedly) that the only one who pays attention to the social categories is me, ad that too because I am aware of the category I am slotted into and don't think I deserve to be. Some of the girls here are beautiful, but they're not the ones everyone wants to be with because somehow, they're invisible.
Now, let's talk about the guys. The good thing about boys is that they get along better than girls do. They do have small friend circles, but they aren't really divided into categories. But still, there are a few popular guys girls flirt with. I know two of them, and trust me, I have seen guys far more interesting. But I have to give them this- they are charming, but that's at the cost of the 'fun factor', so what's the point? I sometimes think guys get away with more than girls do. They get to be stupid and silly, but not girls. If girls do the same things that guys do, she'll probably be boycotted socially. If she speaks up in class, fights for what is right and cracks the same lame (not dirty jokes as boys, the response would be a little different.
I have always been an outcast. In my old school, their was a bunch of girls who never let me stand close to them, saying I was filthy. Imagine what that would have felt like. People commented on the way I looked and that felt bad because I couldn't change the way I looked, no matter what I did. I tried to fight them but a part of me always believed them. I always felt ugly. My 'friend' was always sweet to my face but supported them behind my back. She was getting more popular every week because of this 'divide and rule' policy, and getting better at studies too. I have to admit I was a little jealous. I thought I deserved at least as much as her. When I scored way more than her in my Boards, I felt victorious, not because I had proved myself academically but because I had earned this. But that's pathetic, because I left that school years ago and I should have forgotten about that girl's tortures by now.
Over the years,. I have gotten stronger (except for occasional fights with my father who thinks I'm trying to prove I as good as any guy), but still, old nightmares creep up sometimes. It has benefited me by giving my a drive- I always try to be good at everything. But I shouldn't be so affective. There are people fighting nightmares more frightening than mine, so why do I crack sometimes while they don't? To be a cool kid, I have to learn to be like them. And I think I am going to start by somehow getting those snobbish, flirtatious girls to shut up! Yes, that's the thing I should do that?
Any suggestions on how I can do that?
In my school, I see many cliques, but if I had to make a broad division, I would be left with just too- the 'cool kids' and the 'losers'. Now, don't make any presumptions. I probably belong to the latter. I am somewhat an academic overachiever (for somebody who came in the bottom two-thirds of the class three years ago, scoring a 95.8% in boards and being neck to neck with those who have been toppers for years is a big deal), I have taken part in almost every extra-curricular activity possible (with some marvelous and some disastrous results), was a school prefect for one year and get published in newspapers. But I am still a loser. Why is that?
There are certain girls who deserve to be popular. They're not my friends; I don't like them particularly, but I have to admit that they are talented and make almost no social mistakes. They keep their cool even with people they don't like, and also come across as vulnerable whenever required (you have no idea how far big brown eyes and a few tears can go). If they're popular, I totally understand.
Then they're another set of girls who're known for all the wrong things. They don't mind standing like trophies behind a group of guys and giggling whenever a popular guy walk by. They really need to work harder on their scores and probably grow a brain. But no matter their lack of credentials, they don't mind dissing the girls who 'don't get much attention'.
Then comes the third group, that's us. All the girls keep to themselves and are never intentionally mean. No matter what they do, they never look down on others' For them, nobody is beneath them. I admit (shamefacedly) that the only one who pays attention to the social categories is me, ad that too because I am aware of the category I am slotted into and don't think I deserve to be. Some of the girls here are beautiful, but they're not the ones everyone wants to be with because somehow, they're invisible.
Now, let's talk about the guys. The good thing about boys is that they get along better than girls do. They do have small friend circles, but they aren't really divided into categories. But still, there are a few popular guys girls flirt with. I know two of them, and trust me, I have seen guys far more interesting. But I have to give them this- they are charming, but that's at the cost of the 'fun factor', so what's the point? I sometimes think guys get away with more than girls do. They get to be stupid and silly, but not girls. If girls do the same things that guys do, she'll probably be boycotted socially. If she speaks up in class, fights for what is right and cracks the same lame (not dirty jokes as boys, the response would be a little different.
I have always been an outcast. In my old school, their was a bunch of girls who never let me stand close to them, saying I was filthy. Imagine what that would have felt like. People commented on the way I looked and that felt bad because I couldn't change the way I looked, no matter what I did. I tried to fight them but a part of me always believed them. I always felt ugly. My 'friend' was always sweet to my face but supported them behind my back. She was getting more popular every week because of this 'divide and rule' policy, and getting better at studies too. I have to admit I was a little jealous. I thought I deserved at least as much as her. When I scored way more than her in my Boards, I felt victorious, not because I had proved myself academically but because I had earned this. But that's pathetic, because I left that school years ago and I should have forgotten about that girl's tortures by now.
Over the years,. I have gotten stronger (except for occasional fights with my father who thinks I'm trying to prove I as good as any guy), but still, old nightmares creep up sometimes. It has benefited me by giving my a drive- I always try to be good at everything. But I shouldn't be so affective. There are people fighting nightmares more frightening than mine, so why do I crack sometimes while they don't? To be a cool kid, I have to learn to be like them. And I think I am going to start by somehow getting those snobbish, flirtatious girls to shut up! Yes, that's the thing I should do that?
Any suggestions on how I can do that?
Ignore the snobby girls you're better than that. As for cool you already are being different makes you super cool. Being popular whats so special about that? Who cares what others think of you. Its what you think of you that matters. I was bullied big time in highschool, they called me horse. I have a learning disability too so everyone thought I was stupid. I never got asked out and I had the lowest self- confidence because of what others thought of me. Be you and only you. Being cool doesn't matter and trust me in ten years you'll understand this better. In ten years those girls who are snobby and popular probably won't go as far as you. You're smart you have this beautiful blog. Being different makes you special and an amazing writer. Ignore the brats and snobs that make fun of you you're better then them. And you are beautiful beauty comes from the inside out not the other way. You can message me if you want to talk more hope this helps. Keep writingxoxo
ReplyDeleteI never encountered it personally. Not sure how I got lucky maybe because I was in the middle of the pack. I do see it every day in my classroom. Girls are the worst. They feed on it. One day they pick this girl and the next day it's another girl entirely. Girls are more emotional in their bullying while boys are more physical.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that you're not alone in these feelings. We've all felt it at some point. I started a non-profit campaign called F.L.O.A.T (for love of all teens) and would love to have you on board. Check out the website at
ReplyDeletehttp://floatforteens.org
Read the mission and email me if you'd like to help get this message out. I've found the best way to find self-esteem is by helping others. You don't need to be like those otehr girls, you just need to find your own self-esteem. Learn what makes you special... the rest doesn't matter. You learn this more and more as you grow older.
By helping others to grow their own self-esteem, yours will grow as well. FLOAT is a brand new organization and so far, only 2 of us. We'd love to have you on board. Just email at pakazo77@gmail.com
There is no one right answer to solve your issues. But it's important to keep reaching out to others.
Nice to meet you!
I actually did a few blog post on my experiences. Here it is: http://lmpreston.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-most-embarrassing-pre-teen-moment.html
ReplyDeleteLike you, I was not an "in" kid -- though I desperately longed to me. When the cheerleaders wore their uniforms to school every Friday during football season, I wanted that to be me SO bad. I didn't have money. Didn't wear the right kind of clothes. Hadn't gone to school with these kids since kindergarten like it seemed everyone else had. I was outside. In band. In French club. On the speech & debate team. To make matters worse, I had no boobs. And so, while I had a few close friends, and no one really picked on me, I wasn't in the crowd I longed to join so badly.
ReplyDeleteBut here's the good news. The cliques may continue some in college, but they matter so much less. And when you get to graduate school, the only thing that's truly popular are good grades. Sure, some girls may still dress to the 9s and wear makeup to the gym, but they didn't get the good job like I did coming out of law school. While they're busting their busts working for a lot less pay, I have a great job, a super cute hubby, and a beautiful house & family. I probably live a bit vicariously by buying my young daughters fashionable clothes. But in the end, I know the truth is that in this market, where jobs are hard to come by, a pretty face alone doesn't get your squat. There's a job and successful career ahead of anyone who excels in school and still manages to have a heart. Good luck to you!
It seems that being odd person out is not uncommon, is it? I'll join in and say that I changed schools when I was a junior. That was pretty terrible because at the new school everyone knew each other--small rural community--and I didn't. Girls didn't like me much because I was "different" and from the "city." It was a lonely junior year, but I gradually eased into it and survived. Now when they have class reunions they actually invite me!
ReplyDelete