Ladies' Special
I went to modern schools with modern kids, who were repeatedly hammered in the head with the notion of 'girls are just as good as boys'. I was a big supporter of this notion myself. But soon, the ideas of feminism grew and it wasn't just about girls getting the same educational opportunities as men. It was also about women absolutely having to hold high-profile jobs, transform themselves into career-women. We were taught to admire Indra Gandhi, Kalpana Chawla, Indra Nooyi, Kiran Majumdar Shaw and even Aishwarya Rai. For us 'modern girls', the picture of the ideal woman was one who was known more for her work and less for her family life. These were the women who needed to be worshipped.
I participated in the heroine-worship myself. I wanted to be the next J.K. Rowling, be famous for my skills. Even the thought of being a home-maker was repulsive to me, and I was quick to judge women who only looked after home and hearth.
But now I have grown up a little more. I have seen more people, learnt of their lives, had time to scrutinize their choices and come up with a rather strange conclusion- the ideas of feminism that are taught to young girls these days are basically teaching us to demean women who work for their families.
Think about it. Don't we judge home-makers? Don't we write them off as women who have no intellect and spend their time watching soap-operas and spreading gossip? Don't we- and by 'we' I mean us young female students- cringe at the very thought of a time when we might have to quit our jobs for a while to raise our kids?
Actually, it's not just limited to what we think. Did you know that Norway's Housewives Association has now renamed itself as the Women and Family Association because the word 'housewive' is not associated with a stigma?
Try this as an experiment- for one day, prepare breakfast, dinner and lunch and only then will you realize the effort that goes into making every meal. Spending hours in the sweltering heat of the kitchen is bound to change your ideas about women who cook. Try to deal with nosy neighbours. Help a few sulky teenaged kids. Make sure everyone in the house is happy. Only at the end of this seemingly simple experiment will you come to understand how much hard work goes into looking after a home. So next time you dismiss a woman as a failure for not having a big job, think about the things she does at her own home.
Recently, I heard one of my friends complain frustratedly about how a certain relative of hers hadn't been able to finish her MD because of pregnancy. I really wanted to point out to my friend where she was going wrong- that she wasn't respecting a choice that was made by a fellow woman. If you expect that nobody ever judges you for not giving your home enough time, you have to be supportive of ladies who choose not to work. Besides, think about people's circumstances. If a brilliant girl from a small town chooses to marry right out of college, it's because that's the only future she's ever been able to picture for herself. her parents might never have exposed her to the kind of feminist ideas that we swallow on a daily basis. Nobody has the right to make any opinions about her based on the choice she made between marriage and career.
Never will I say that we should go back to a time when only men had power and women were reduced to creatures of the household. My own future plans include getting a prestigious, well-paid job. But at the same time, I can tell when a woman becomes the enemy of another woman. A woman who belittles another is just as bad as a male chauvinist. the woman's movement was about choice, and only when women (and girl's) start respecting each other's choices instead of constantly arguing on the 'Should Women Work?' debate will the women's movement be a true success.
Instead of criticizing each other's choices, women should find innovative ways to balance all aspects of their lives. For example, there is a women's group in America with a very good membership. Each woman of the association takes a day off from work every month and takes care of all the children of all the other members. In this way, the usual concerns about regular day-care systems (Do they treat my kid right? How is the environment at day-care?) are also taken care of.
I will do my best to become the career-oriented modern woman I've always dreamed of becoming, but I'll not criticize those who don't do the same. The best I can do is try to put myself in their shoes, and understand what led to their choice.
I participated in the heroine-worship myself. I wanted to be the next J.K. Rowling, be famous for my skills. Even the thought of being a home-maker was repulsive to me, and I was quick to judge women who only looked after home and hearth.
But now I have grown up a little more. I have seen more people, learnt of their lives, had time to scrutinize their choices and come up with a rather strange conclusion- the ideas of feminism that are taught to young girls these days are basically teaching us to demean women who work for their families.
Think about it. Don't we judge home-makers? Don't we write them off as women who have no intellect and spend their time watching soap-operas and spreading gossip? Don't we- and by 'we' I mean us young female students- cringe at the very thought of a time when we might have to quit our jobs for a while to raise our kids?
Actually, it's not just limited to what we think. Did you know that Norway's Housewives Association has now renamed itself as the Women and Family Association because the word 'housewive' is not associated with a stigma?
Try this as an experiment- for one day, prepare breakfast, dinner and lunch and only then will you realize the effort that goes into making every meal. Spending hours in the sweltering heat of the kitchen is bound to change your ideas about women who cook. Try to deal with nosy neighbours. Help a few sulky teenaged kids. Make sure everyone in the house is happy. Only at the end of this seemingly simple experiment will you come to understand how much hard work goes into looking after a home. So next time you dismiss a woman as a failure for not having a big job, think about the things she does at her own home.
Recently, I heard one of my friends complain frustratedly about how a certain relative of hers hadn't been able to finish her MD because of pregnancy. I really wanted to point out to my friend where she was going wrong- that she wasn't respecting a choice that was made by a fellow woman. If you expect that nobody ever judges you for not giving your home enough time, you have to be supportive of ladies who choose not to work. Besides, think about people's circumstances. If a brilliant girl from a small town chooses to marry right out of college, it's because that's the only future she's ever been able to picture for herself. her parents might never have exposed her to the kind of feminist ideas that we swallow on a daily basis. Nobody has the right to make any opinions about her based on the choice she made between marriage and career.
Never will I say that we should go back to a time when only men had power and women were reduced to creatures of the household. My own future plans include getting a prestigious, well-paid job. But at the same time, I can tell when a woman becomes the enemy of another woman. A woman who belittles another is just as bad as a male chauvinist. the woman's movement was about choice, and only when women (and girl's) start respecting each other's choices instead of constantly arguing on the 'Should Women Work?' debate will the women's movement be a true success.
Instead of criticizing each other's choices, women should find innovative ways to balance all aspects of their lives. For example, there is a women's group in America with a very good membership. Each woman of the association takes a day off from work every month and takes care of all the children of all the other members. In this way, the usual concerns about regular day-care systems (Do they treat my kid right? How is the environment at day-care?) are also taken care of.
I will do my best to become the career-oriented modern woman I've always dreamed of becoming, but I'll not criticize those who don't do the same. The best I can do is try to put myself in their shoes, and understand what led to their choice.
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