Raj and His White Girlfriends

I recently came across this Buzzfeed video about why Asian men aren't considered attractive by Western society:

Don't be fooled by the provocative thumbnail. The video is actually filmed in an discussion format, with fully dressed men talking about some serious issues of race and discrimination. I would suggest you watch the video, but if you decide not to, here's the summary - four representatives of the Asian community voice their concerns about Asian men being emasculated, infantilized and disrespected by Western media, perpetuating the myth that Asian men are unattractive. Of course, there are male Asian celebrities who are considered very attractive, but it feels unfair to name genetically-blessed celebrities in this argument because there's always going to be some attractive people in every community, but if that community has negative stereotypes associated with it, these people will be considered the exception. Also, the discussion is about average guys of all races. I mean, think about it. Nobody says, "White men are so not attractive," with someone replying, "That's not true. Just look at Tom Cruise." In fact, the reply will most likely come in the form of collective raised eyebrows doubting the naysayer's sanity. Lastly, it is important to understand that even though this may feel like a trivial concern at first glance, the impression you form of someone based on their race is, at the end of the day, a manifestation of racial discrimination, and is likely to seep into other, more important matters. For example, Americans are less likely to accept an Asian president as they are often portrayed and perceived as less "manly" than their counterparts in other races, and people would think they're better suited for Silicon Valley than the White House.

I agree with most of the things they say in the video. To be honest, it riled me up.

But then I started thinking about it more, and there was something disturbing happening here, in my opinion.

On of the most famous Asian characters in recent times is Raj Koothrapalli. For a second here I'll ignore the ridiculous surname. When I was in high school, some of my friends picked up on how Raj got the fewest lines because he couldn't talk in front of women (which is just taking a stereotype too far), and is the only character to not have a long-term girlfriend even in the eleventh season. He's portrayed as having feminine characters, and there's nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that Hollywood reserves these roles for gay and Asian men. So, yeah, there's a lot of things that are wrong with how Raj has been characterized, and it's all pretty racist.

There's one thing that always bothered me, though, and I am sorry to say that I have, in fact, noticed this characteristic in a lot of Asian men.

Still from an episode in which Raj invites all his ex-girlfriends to talk while Howard takes notes

While Raj may not be very attractive to most white women he encounters, the real issue here is that Raj himself seems to only want to date white women. He's at a university. You could find hundreds of Asian women at most good universities in America, women who wouldn't look at his Asian-ness as a negative. He probably didn't go mute around all the girls back home, right? Is it just a nervous tic for attractive women, which in this case seems to imply mostly white women? I often feel infuriated by the way Raj talks about his life back in India, as if coming to America was all that matters, as if his education prior to the part he is pursuing in America was worthless (even though that education gets thousands of Asians to prestigous universities around the world every year). I will openly admit that I actually kind of hate Raj as a character, which is why I find it difficult to sympathize with him.

It's not just Raj. While Asian women have been historically sexualized and commodified by white men, Asian men have also been guilty of idolizing white women as the pinnacle of beauty and sophistication. This is especially true in Indian men. Indian society values "white" features (straight noses, high cheekbones, and most importantly, fair skin), and a lot of men are fascinated by white women, placing them higher than Indian women in terms of attractiveness. One might argue with me on this in the comments, but the sales of fairness creams and magazine covers featuring Indian actresses who've used plastic surgery to eliminate the Indian-ness of their features will speak in my defense.

Why is it that members of Asian media suddenly seem to mean more when they succeed in Hollywood? More importantly, do you think any white men would really care if Asian women didn't find them attractive?

At some point, I stop to question : Are we fighting for representation, or are we begging for approval from a politically more powerful and represented community, hoping that we'll be let into their elite club?

What we need is a thorough acceptance of our Asian-ness and the creation of a culture that caters to us. A community doesn't become powerful by seeking approval. It does so by sticking together, with the members building each other up instead of striving for ideals set by a different community. In order for people to see the attractiveness in us, we must first see the attractivenes in ourselves, and do so without changing our accents or the way we dress or how we naturally look.

And FYI, I'd be lucky to be able to date a lot of Asian men. But also, somebody like Raj Koothrapalli would need to be born again as a different person to be able to date an Asian woman like me, and I'm not even bragging here.