Of Women and Work
Before I start with the post, I want to tell you why I decided to write about this in the first place.
For the past few days, I have been watching videos about what the right path is for women. Is it a career? Is it motherhood? Or is it both, in which case, are we asking for more than we can handle? I'm new to America, and out here, it seems that ideologies are inflexible, and what women should or shouldn't do is a core principle defining every ideology. Evidently, there is a lot of gender politics, and I admit that not all of it is against women. Some of it is against men as well, and it's not like men aren't burdened with expectations as well. I mean, we'd be lying if we said a stay-at-home dad is shamed less than a woman whose priority is her career.
I'm not going to go over what feminists and anti-feminists and conservatives and liberals and blah blah blah. It seems to me that ideology is politics, and I'm not going to make decisions regarding my life based on politics. I only want to talk about what view I have about how I should live my life, and people are free to disagree.
I have been mocked for the fact that I love children and the idea of motherhood. In my college years, I felt like I was the only girl openly admitting to feeling that family is one of the most important things in my life, while most other girls went on and on about how career should be the only focus at least the next decade. On several accounts, I felt like my beliefs were a joke, open to ridicule because they sounded more conservative, and debunking conservative viewpoints makes you a champion of progress, doesn't it? Never mind that a man saying he doesn't need a woman is called sexist and a woman saying she doesn't need a man is called a feminist by the liberal media, because we're all about equality here, right? Never mind the fact that this constant criticism and abandonment of traditional female roles shames and trivializes all that was done by our female ancestors and reduces their contributions to nothing simply because they weren't warriors or kinds, because if a woman wants to have a family, she's just conforming, isn't she?
The part that disturbed me the most was the fact that most of the ridicule towards my view on life came from other girls, not boys, and that's embarrassing not only because I thought we agreed that after years of oppression it's time for girls to stick up for one another, but also because these girls weren't really doing better with their careers than I was. I did reasonably well in my college career, and whether or not I wanted to devote my whole life to a career was not something I could be judged by as we were all in exactly the same point in our professional lives, and it was like they could claim some kind of social superiority just for an ideology they have, not for actions and results.
And to be honest, this is just disturbing:
So here's my take on all the "feminists" who are busy making fun of "housewives" and "girlie girls" or whatever - FEMINIST IS NOT A PROFESSION. You're not making things any better for your gender just by believing in equality, because what does belief really amount to anyways? Actions, on the other hand, amount to a lot, and a woman who wakes up at five in the morning prepares food for her whole family, gets her children ready for school, gets her husband (or wife) a cup of tea, manages the resources of the household, supervises the more tedious household chores, and teaches her kids values, is doing a lot more than someone who just believes they're a feminist. Household work, whether done by a man or a woman, is, at the end of the day, work, and doesn't stop being it just because it's not paid for or credited. It doesn't come with health insurance or company retreats, and there aren't any paid vacations. Yes, it's true that there are housewives who don't work very hard, but that's just as common as women who don't work very hard at the workplace, so stop devaluing the work that millions of women are doing when you're just a student and before you yourself have done any real work.
Also, if the pursuit of a career really is about equality, a woman shouldn't have to choose it over a family because men don't have to choose between the two. If you're a modern woman under the impression that you're somehow becoming superior by rejecting traditional female roles, try to remember that men aren't being asked to reject traditional male roles to become worth something. And just so you know, making fun of motherhood doesn't make you modern anyways. It makes you just as judgemental as the people criticizing working women, just in a reverse way.
That being said, I never agreed to being a stay-at-home mom, either, and it bothers me that I am being made to choose. At this point, one may ask, "If you believe in the power of traditionally female roles so much, then why are you not okay with being limited to them?" The answer is simple.
Even if I do become a mother, and do choose to become a stay-at-home mother at that, there's always the fact that my children will grow up fast and one day, won't need me as much. Therefore, even if I am completely fulfilled by motherhood, my work will lessen with time till finally, in old age, I will be the one dependent on my children. This is the reason that I have a desire to be something aside from a wife and mother. I want access to a socially contributing community apart from the people at home, and for that, I need to work. And yes, motherhood is a gift given to humanity, but I won't glorify it so much as to say that a woman's worth comes only from that. If that were the case, women would lose their value the minute they weren't at the prime age for having children anymore, and I am not okay with that. I don't want to have a shelf life, and I don't want to ever become obsolete. Also, if I get a good job, fair and square, why should I let it go? In today's economic climate, it's uncertain who will or will not stay employed and for how long. It is quite possible that my partner loses his job due to company cuts or whatever and if I work, I will be serving my family by being the breadwinner for that period of time.
For the rest of my life, I'm going to balance between family and work, and I am okay if I have to stay home for a while to start a family because technically, I stayed out of the home for a long time to start a career too. I hope companies will understand this and allow up to ten years of gap in employment for women who have families, and I will accept it if the sabbatical means I have to start from one or two loser rungs in the ladder as long as I'm not expected to start back up from the very beginning. But most importantly, I'm not going to judge and shame women who are not like me, because let's be honest, the whole family versus career debate is complicated for them! If you are not like me and only want a career, that's great. If you only want a family and are willing to be completely devoted to that role, then that's great too. Whatever works for you is fine. But if you're young like me, I think the best thing to do would be to think all life decisions through before buying into any particular ideology, no matter how traditional or progressive, because women have been dealing with social shackles for centuries, and being confined by ideology is, at the end of the day, it is only by keeping our options open that we become truly liberated.
For the past few days, I have been watching videos about what the right path is for women. Is it a career? Is it motherhood? Or is it both, in which case, are we asking for more than we can handle? I'm new to America, and out here, it seems that ideologies are inflexible, and what women should or shouldn't do is a core principle defining every ideology. Evidently, there is a lot of gender politics, and I admit that not all of it is against women. Some of it is against men as well, and it's not like men aren't burdened with expectations as well. I mean, we'd be lying if we said a stay-at-home dad is shamed less than a woman whose priority is her career.
I'm not going to go over what feminists and anti-feminists and conservatives and liberals and blah blah blah. It seems to me that ideology is politics, and I'm not going to make decisions regarding my life based on politics. I only want to talk about what view I have about how I should live my life, and people are free to disagree.
I have been mocked for the fact that I love children and the idea of motherhood. In my college years, I felt like I was the only girl openly admitting to feeling that family is one of the most important things in my life, while most other girls went on and on about how career should be the only focus at least the next decade. On several accounts, I felt like my beliefs were a joke, open to ridicule because they sounded more conservative, and debunking conservative viewpoints makes you a champion of progress, doesn't it? Never mind that a man saying he doesn't need a woman is called sexist and a woman saying she doesn't need a man is called a feminist by the liberal media, because we're all about equality here, right? Never mind the fact that this constant criticism and abandonment of traditional female roles shames and trivializes all that was done by our female ancestors and reduces their contributions to nothing simply because they weren't warriors or kinds, because if a woman wants to have a family, she's just conforming, isn't she?
The part that disturbed me the most was the fact that most of the ridicule towards my view on life came from other girls, not boys, and that's embarrassing not only because I thought we agreed that after years of oppression it's time for girls to stick up for one another, but also because these girls weren't really doing better with their careers than I was. I did reasonably well in my college career, and whether or not I wanted to devote my whole life to a career was not something I could be judged by as we were all in exactly the same point in our professional lives, and it was like they could claim some kind of social superiority just for an ideology they have, not for actions and results.
And to be honest, this is just disturbing:
So here's my take on all the "feminists" who are busy making fun of "housewives" and "girlie girls" or whatever - FEMINIST IS NOT A PROFESSION. You're not making things any better for your gender just by believing in equality, because what does belief really amount to anyways? Actions, on the other hand, amount to a lot, and a woman who wakes up at five in the morning prepares food for her whole family, gets her children ready for school, gets her husband (or wife) a cup of tea, manages the resources of the household, supervises the more tedious household chores, and teaches her kids values, is doing a lot more than someone who just believes they're a feminist. Household work, whether done by a man or a woman, is, at the end of the day, work, and doesn't stop being it just because it's not paid for or credited. It doesn't come with health insurance or company retreats, and there aren't any paid vacations. Yes, it's true that there are housewives who don't work very hard, but that's just as common as women who don't work very hard at the workplace, so stop devaluing the work that millions of women are doing when you're just a student and before you yourself have done any real work.
Also, if the pursuit of a career really is about equality, a woman shouldn't have to choose it over a family because men don't have to choose between the two. If you're a modern woman under the impression that you're somehow becoming superior by rejecting traditional female roles, try to remember that men aren't being asked to reject traditional male roles to become worth something. And just so you know, making fun of motherhood doesn't make you modern anyways. It makes you just as judgemental as the people criticizing working women, just in a reverse way.
That being said, I never agreed to being a stay-at-home mom, either, and it bothers me that I am being made to choose. At this point, one may ask, "If you believe in the power of traditionally female roles so much, then why are you not okay with being limited to them?" The answer is simple.
Even if I do become a mother, and do choose to become a stay-at-home mother at that, there's always the fact that my children will grow up fast and one day, won't need me as much. Therefore, even if I am completely fulfilled by motherhood, my work will lessen with time till finally, in old age, I will be the one dependent on my children. This is the reason that I have a desire to be something aside from a wife and mother. I want access to a socially contributing community apart from the people at home, and for that, I need to work. And yes, motherhood is a gift given to humanity, but I won't glorify it so much as to say that a woman's worth comes only from that. If that were the case, women would lose their value the minute they weren't at the prime age for having children anymore, and I am not okay with that. I don't want to have a shelf life, and I don't want to ever become obsolete. Also, if I get a good job, fair and square, why should I let it go? In today's economic climate, it's uncertain who will or will not stay employed and for how long. It is quite possible that my partner loses his job due to company cuts or whatever and if I work, I will be serving my family by being the breadwinner for that period of time.
For the rest of my life, I'm going to balance between family and work, and I am okay if I have to stay home for a while to start a family because technically, I stayed out of the home for a long time to start a career too. I hope companies will understand this and allow up to ten years of gap in employment for women who have families, and I will accept it if the sabbatical means I have to start from one or two loser rungs in the ladder as long as I'm not expected to start back up from the very beginning. But most importantly, I'm not going to judge and shame women who are not like me, because let's be honest, the whole family versus career debate is complicated for them! If you are not like me and only want a career, that's great. If you only want a family and are willing to be completely devoted to that role, then that's great too. Whatever works for you is fine. But if you're young like me, I think the best thing to do would be to think all life decisions through before buying into any particular ideology, no matter how traditional or progressive, because women have been dealing with social shackles for centuries, and being confined by ideology is, at the end of the day, it is only by keeping our options open that we become truly liberated.
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