Missing Out On Precious Moments
Congratulate me! I just received news that I won the BEST EDITOR award from school. Twenty years down the line, this may not seem like a big deal, but right now it does. This will be the last time I ever get an award from school and I really, really want to be at the ceremony to receive my prize.
Unfortunately, it may not happen. On the same day, I have a college entrance exam. My exam centre is a two hours away from my house, and there's no way I can come back from my test, get changed into my school uniform and manage to reach school on time to get my award. So, this is one dream which will robably go unfulfilled just to increase the chances of my dream of getting into a decent college coming true.
Needless to say, I am sad. For the last four years, I have thoroughly enjoyed my position in school. I was not the cool kid. I wasn't one of those captains and prefects who thought they knew best and walked around like they owned the school. My teachers probably don't know this, but I was always somewhat on the sidelines, despite being part of more extra-curricular activities than I could count. I was the one many people left out in their conversations, the one teachers sometimes preferred but was not at the to of the students' reference lists. And guess what? I loved how I was looked upon. You see, high school is a cruel and traumatic lace in twenty-first century India, where popularity is extremely important. If somebody says, "Nodody ever pays attention to that girl" (this was said about me a few times), you should pray they are not talking about you. I loved and even admired myself for not turning into somebody who chased after petty popularity, for taking my own sweet time to figure out how I wanted to resent myself in front of my peers instead of quickly becoming like the kids everybody wanted to be with. I am happy with who I turned out to be in school. School is a big part of who you are and it does define your identity to a certain extent.
That is, until, college becomes your life.
All of a sudden, who you were in school isn't important any more. School tests are first replaced by entrance tests. Then, your friends start getting busy with their own lives. Finally, school becomes something that's just a memory to remember. You realize school can never be priority again because something else will always be bigger from now on.
I just finished with another entrance exam today. As I prepare for my next test, I am also going to let myself feel the silent and somewhat immature sadness of leaving a life behind.
Unfortunately, it may not happen. On the same day, I have a college entrance exam. My exam centre is a two hours away from my house, and there's no way I can come back from my test, get changed into my school uniform and manage to reach school on time to get my award. So, this is one dream which will robably go unfulfilled just to increase the chances of my dream of getting into a decent college coming true.
Needless to say, I am sad. For the last four years, I have thoroughly enjoyed my position in school. I was not the cool kid. I wasn't one of those captains and prefects who thought they knew best and walked around like they owned the school. My teachers probably don't know this, but I was always somewhat on the sidelines, despite being part of more extra-curricular activities than I could count. I was the one many people left out in their conversations, the one teachers sometimes preferred but was not at the to of the students' reference lists. And guess what? I loved how I was looked upon. You see, high school is a cruel and traumatic lace in twenty-first century India, where popularity is extremely important. If somebody says, "Nodody ever pays attention to that girl" (this was said about me a few times), you should pray they are not talking about you. I loved and even admired myself for not turning into somebody who chased after petty popularity, for taking my own sweet time to figure out how I wanted to resent myself in front of my peers instead of quickly becoming like the kids everybody wanted to be with. I am happy with who I turned out to be in school. School is a big part of who you are and it does define your identity to a certain extent.
That is, until, college becomes your life.
All of a sudden, who you were in school isn't important any more. School tests are first replaced by entrance tests. Then, your friends start getting busy with their own lives. Finally, school becomes something that's just a memory to remember. You realize school can never be priority again because something else will always be bigger from now on.
I just finished with another entrance exam today. As I prepare for my next test, I am also going to let myself feel the silent and somewhat immature sadness of leaving a life behind.
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