Growing Up- 4
What's growing up without friends?
If you're reading this, there is a good chance you'll admit you've changed your frind circle several times in your life. If you're below twenty, you remember all those friends that came and went. Some stayed for a long time, some are still with you and some lasted around as long as the latest fad.
The first friends I remember are two girls from my school I met in nursery. We were nicknamed 'The Three Musketeers' by all the teachers. Frankly speaking, one of us was the leader (not me), and the other two just followed her around. She was a fair-skinned, adorable little girl whom everyone adored and me and the other girl were her complete opposite. I only have vague memories of this friendship, but one thing I remember clearly is playing in the sprinklers and getting wet. We did this in the school backyard everyday with some other children till the day we got caught by our teachers and were punished.
Two years later, my 'leader' friend left school and moved to America and the other two of us drifted apart.
Then came a long list of friends I don't ven remember. Somehow, I always had a huge amount of trouble being liked by the other girls (and boys too, but that didn't matter at that age). They left me out of everything and acted as if I didn't even exist. Sometimes, they said mean things to me. It was almost as if I was beneath them somehow. As a child, when you haven't yet developed a personality, it's hard to fight back against such things. You just want to make some friends, even if it is at the cost of basically being huimliated.
But the moment I began growing up, things changed. All of a sudden, I didn't want bad friends, I didn't need them. I started pursuing other interests and it was just a matter of time before I got over my desperate self. even then, it wasn't as if everybody was dying to be friends with me, but at the same time, I had developed a stange confidence which allowed me to just say, "You don't like me, but I won't change for you".
Now, this part is important- sometimes your friends change, but that doesn't mean you have to change with them. In fifthI was friends with the most popular girl in school. She was nice, until the day she became a total... I don't even want to even say the word. All of a sudden, it was all about making fun of people and throwing herself at guys and I didn't like her anymore. So, I stopped talking to her. Somehow, we became enemies after that. Neither of us said anything, but it was clear we hated each other. Because she was still the most popular girl in school, a majority of my classmates started hating me and even if they did like me, they wouldn't admit it. At times, it was hard being surrounded b so much of negativity, but the fact was, I didn't want to be a sell-out who acted like one of those It-Girls they show on TV.
All that being said, I have to admit I haven't alwas been perfect. I know I have been bossy with my friends at times. I have also killed a lot of fun for them becuase I didn't know how to have any. To be completely honest, when I saw all the girls who walked around school acting like they owned, I was so scared of turning into them that I forgot all about socializing. For me, talking to people who wanted to be with these girls was like giving in. I tried to be as different from them as possible and it made me come across as cold and standoffish.
I'm hoping to change all that now. It's not so hard for me to smile and say "Hi" to acquaintances anymore. I try to mingle with more people. And also, since I work a lot, I get to meet more people. I am pretty sure people still make fun of me behind my back, but at least I'm not being humiliated like I once used to me.
Now, let me tell you about my good friends. I had two good friends in Delhi. One was a Muslim girl who reas everything I wrote and another was a Bengali girl who argued with everything I said. I still love both of them, even though I know we won't be friends again. Time and distance make it hard to rekindle lost friendships.
Right now, I am friends with a few girls in school who are exactly the kind of girls I respect. They are above the whole 'popularity' thing, they don't try to get attention, they try and sometimes succeed at being good at things like academics and most of them are good at heart. And yes, they can be really, really, really boring sometimes, but that's a small price to pay for having friends who're not just your social circle. In particular, I have tow girls whom I hang out with the most and I really enjoy spending time with them. Now, as we all face the possibility of leaving each other behind and going to college, we're trying to stick close together. Some of us are thinking of joining Facebook. Me and my best friend are thinking of trying to get into the same college (she's a hell lot smarter than me, so that's not going to happen).
In conclusion, I would just like to say I'm happy with how far I've come in the 'friends', but I know it's still going to take a lot of hard work to keep the friends I have and make new ones.
If you're reading this, there is a good chance you'll admit you've changed your frind circle several times in your life. If you're below twenty, you remember all those friends that came and went. Some stayed for a long time, some are still with you and some lasted around as long as the latest fad.
The first friends I remember are two girls from my school I met in nursery. We were nicknamed 'The Three Musketeers' by all the teachers. Frankly speaking, one of us was the leader (not me), and the other two just followed her around. She was a fair-skinned, adorable little girl whom everyone adored and me and the other girl were her complete opposite. I only have vague memories of this friendship, but one thing I remember clearly is playing in the sprinklers and getting wet. We did this in the school backyard everyday with some other children till the day we got caught by our teachers and were punished.
Two years later, my 'leader' friend left school and moved to America and the other two of us drifted apart.
Then came a long list of friends I don't ven remember. Somehow, I always had a huge amount of trouble being liked by the other girls (and boys too, but that didn't matter at that age). They left me out of everything and acted as if I didn't even exist. Sometimes, they said mean things to me. It was almost as if I was beneath them somehow. As a child, when you haven't yet developed a personality, it's hard to fight back against such things. You just want to make some friends, even if it is at the cost of basically being huimliated.
But the moment I began growing up, things changed. All of a sudden, I didn't want bad friends, I didn't need them. I started pursuing other interests and it was just a matter of time before I got over my desperate self. even then, it wasn't as if everybody was dying to be friends with me, but at the same time, I had developed a stange confidence which allowed me to just say, "You don't like me, but I won't change for you".
Now, this part is important- sometimes your friends change, but that doesn't mean you have to change with them. In fifthI was friends with the most popular girl in school. She was nice, until the day she became a total... I don't even want to even say the word. All of a sudden, it was all about making fun of people and throwing herself at guys and I didn't like her anymore. So, I stopped talking to her. Somehow, we became enemies after that. Neither of us said anything, but it was clear we hated each other. Because she was still the most popular girl in school, a majority of my classmates started hating me and even if they did like me, they wouldn't admit it. At times, it was hard being surrounded b so much of negativity, but the fact was, I didn't want to be a sell-out who acted like one of those It-Girls they show on TV.
All that being said, I have to admit I haven't alwas been perfect. I know I have been bossy with my friends at times. I have also killed a lot of fun for them becuase I didn't know how to have any. To be completely honest, when I saw all the girls who walked around school acting like they owned, I was so scared of turning into them that I forgot all about socializing. For me, talking to people who wanted to be with these girls was like giving in. I tried to be as different from them as possible and it made me come across as cold and standoffish.
I'm hoping to change all that now. It's not so hard for me to smile and say "Hi" to acquaintances anymore. I try to mingle with more people. And also, since I work a lot, I get to meet more people. I am pretty sure people still make fun of me behind my back, but at least I'm not being humiliated like I once used to me.
Now, let me tell you about my good friends. I had two good friends in Delhi. One was a Muslim girl who reas everything I wrote and another was a Bengali girl who argued with everything I said. I still love both of them, even though I know we won't be friends again. Time and distance make it hard to rekindle lost friendships.
Right now, I am friends with a few girls in school who are exactly the kind of girls I respect. They are above the whole 'popularity' thing, they don't try to get attention, they try and sometimes succeed at being good at things like academics and most of them are good at heart. And yes, they can be really, really, really boring sometimes, but that's a small price to pay for having friends who're not just your social circle. In particular, I have tow girls whom I hang out with the most and I really enjoy spending time with them. Now, as we all face the possibility of leaving each other behind and going to college, we're trying to stick close together. Some of us are thinking of joining Facebook. Me and my best friend are thinking of trying to get into the same college (she's a hell lot smarter than me, so that's not going to happen).
In conclusion, I would just like to say I'm happy with how far I've come in the 'friends', but I know it's still going to take a lot of hard work to keep the friends I have and make new ones.
Ooh, I've more than a few "bad" friends. They do inspire juicy fiction, though. Now, I focus on positive relationships. That's part of growing up. It's hard to grow up, isn't it?
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